Trusting God but also Learning to Trust Myself

One day, I'll write a blog when it first comes to mind and doesn't sit over my head for so long. This one's been difficult because there's so much I could say, but I'll try to keep it focused.

As Christians, we're always told to trust God—no matter what. Trust that He's working behind the scenes that we can't see, that He's in control of all things. I believe this wholeheartedly. But I also think we've been sold a narrative that we can't trust ourselves because we're sinful, deceitful, broken humans.

And that's not entirely wrong. But I think it blurs the lines of when we can trust ourselves. We know Proverbs 3:5-6 tells us to "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." And yes, we shouldn't lean on our own understanding alone.

But here's what I'm learning: if I'm walking in step with the Lord, surrendering my heart and mind, doing the best I can to submit to Him and follow Him—then I should be able to trust myself too, right? Because He's the one making my paths straight. He's the one guiding my steps.

I'm not sure where I learned to not trust myself, but somehow along the way I absorbed the idea that I can't trust myself, my feelings, my emotions, my choices, because of what others said around me. And I'm not talking about wise counsel here. Sometimes you can seek and need wise counsel but you have to continue to discern it.

Sometimes people tell you things because it helps them feel more comfortable. The path they took or their experiences have led them to where they are, and they may genuinely think your life should look the same—and that's totally okay. But we have to be careful about who we're listening to and whose voice we're taking into consideration, because sometimes we do need help to get certain answers and make decisions. But not every voice is the one we need to hear.

I've had such a hard time making decisions most of my life because I take into consideration people I love and care about, and also other people's voices.

Plot twist: I'm a people pleaser. God doesn't call us to be that, so this is something I know He's working on in me. Galatians 1:10 says, "Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ." That one hits hard. I care too much about what people think, what their opinions are, what they say. It's hard when you care so much about that and you're also trying to hear your own voice, listen to your gut, and feel what you're actually feeling.

We have to learn to trust ourselves, our emotions, our gut feeling, especially when we're asking the Lord to guide us. Often it's not something that needs to be pushed down or hushed. The Lord doesn't speak loudly or hastily, but He does speak continuously, we just have to be able to hear it. In 1 Kings 19:12, God spoke to Elijah not in the wind, earthquake, or fire, but in a gentle whisper. When I allow other people's voices to be louder than His or my own, that's where I really run into trouble, and I start to get more anxiety, pressure, and overwhelm. Sometimes I wish I was more like the people who can just let what others say roll off their shoulders and not bother them so much. I'm learning, but it's difficult.

I know that God doesn't call me to please people, but only Him. I know that He calls me to trust in Him, but knowing that He made me in His image and I'm doing my best to continue to walk in step with Him, I have to know that I'm also able to trust myself, my decisions, and where I feel He's leading me. Philippians 2:13 reminds me that "it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose." If God is working in me, in my will, in my actions, then when I surrender to Him, I can trust what I'm feeling and sensing. (This doesn’t mean that I let my feelings lead every time, but I do bring my feelings to God.) Even though half the time I feel like I have blinders on and I'm slowly walking on ice, trying not to slip and fall.

Two examples that really changed my perspective:

A few years ago, I made the decision to walk away from a foundation I really loved and helped create and facilitate, but I felt like God was telling me to walk away. I felt heavy. I felt like I wasn't okay, like I was disappointing people and letting people down, like I couldn't walk away. Was God really asking me to do this or was I being selfish? I honestly felt like I was dying.

It killed me to walk away, or I thought it would, but it didn't. I felt peace about the decision even though my emotions felt otherwise. Colossians 3:15 says to "let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts," and that's exactly what happened. The peace ruled, even when everything else was chaotic. Just because it's a hard decision doesn't mean it's always the wrong one. Sometimes we have to walk away from things and it grieves us, but it heals over time. I see now why God had me walk away.

The same thing happened recently when I decided to walk away from a relationship. It was really hard. I still don't understand it fully all the time, but I knew how I felt. It was a struggle because I didn't want to feel that way and I wanted it to work, but I just knew it wasn't right. I know God has given me an intuition that I can't ignore, and I did ignore it for a while because I was more concerned about him, and I was worried about other people and what they said.

Yes, he was an amazing man and treated me right, but that doesn't mean it was what God had aligned for me. Even if something is good–sometimes God allows things but He isn't the one who is behind it.

It's incredibly difficult to discern and know, because our thoughts, emotions, and experiences flood in and it's hard to really know, is this true? Is it me? My past trauma? Or is God really telling me, no, this isn't it? I don't think everything from God will be easy, but I do believe that there is a certain peace that you get, and I got that peace from walking away. This could honestly be its own blog post one day, but what it comes down to is this: it took me a while because I was listening to everyone else's voices instead of trusting my own, even though I didn't fully understand it. The voice(s) you are listening to matters. Make sure God’s voice is the one you’re listening to, but I know it’s difficult when our own voice and others get tangled up in our thoughts too.

This is really difficult, so if you're dealing with anything similar, I see you.

Here's what I'm learning: You can trust God, and you can trust yourself. Even when it's confusing. Even when others don't understand your choices, or when you don't quite understand them yourself.

If you're seeking Him, praying, surrendering your heart—He's guiding you. That gentle nudge, that unexplainable peace (or the lack of it), that quiet voice inside you that keeps questioning? Pay attention to it. It might be God guiding you. If it's a loud, forceful voice, that's likely not God, but the enemy.

God made you. He's guiding you. And sometimes His voice sounds a lot like your own inner knowing. Trust that.